Free Yourself from Fear

ThePowerOfConfidence(forweb
Free Yourself from Fear — use methods in Tom Marcoux ‘s book The Power of Confidence

“What keeps people stuck?” my friend Anita asked.

Fear keeps people stuck in many situations,” I replied.

“Is it really possible to release ourselves from fear?” she asked.

Now, we’re stepping into areas of philosophy and practical ways to raise our levels of success and fulfillment.

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield

From interviewing successful people, I’ve learned that they have certain patterns in place in how they approach problems and situations. They certainly feel fear, but they do not let fear paralyze them.

Some people don’t like change, but you need to embrace change if the alternative is disaster.
  Elon Musk

The path out of fear-based paralysis is change.

How do we do that? I’ve learned that you can just sit there and something will likely push you and the consequences may be truly painful.

However, the empowered state of being is to make choices. I’ve learned that it helps to condition oneself to take an empowered stance when dealing with fear.

To Free Yourself from Fear, Use this Pattern: Face it –> Flip it –> Forward it

  1. Face it.

Name it. Call it out. When we allow fear to hide in the dark, it feels bigger. However, if you name the fear, you can use that step as the start for ascending a staircase.

With Ned, one of my clients, I started a particular conversation with: “What are you afraid of?”

“We don’t have enough sales. I’m afraid we’re going to go out of business,” he said.

“Okay. That’s a good start. What can you do to improve sales?”

“I don’t know,” Ned began. “Maybe work with a coach on improving sales. Read some books. Work with my team. Interview some previous customers and ask why they bought our products,”

“Good ideas, Ned. So which of these ideas does your gut say is the one to begin with—today?”

The point here is: Ned could make improvements once he expressed his fear and then tossed some ideas on the table.

Now it’s your turn. What are you afraid of? Write this down, and then note some possible actions you can implement.

  1. Flip it.

The idea of “flip it” is to turn over or transform the fearful thought to something empowering.

As an Executive Coach, I often help clients open their awareness to new facets of a situation or problem. I often ask a question that opens some expansive thinking possibilities for the client.

When appropriate, I introduce my client to a principle that can help him or her shift to an empowered point of view about a situation. I mention to my clients that I have three hats of “coach, consultant and mentor.”

I’ll now share with you my idea “Mentor On Your Shoulder.” (My further guidance/blog posts are available at MentorOnYourShoulder.com.)

Your “Mentor On Your Shoulder” Keeps Certain Principles Accessible in Your Mind

Here we’re looking at “Mentor on your shoulder” as a metaphor to having someone near you to tell you valuable principles when you need them.

The process is to memorize certain phrases which stand for principles that a mentor would share with you.

Here are examples of such phrases:

a. “If in doubt, leave it out.”

On certain occasions, you can save yourself a lot of trouble, by restraining yourself from certain actions. People often say, “I knew I should not have done that.” When you recall the phrase “If in doubt, leave it out,” you can pause and perhaps, simply avoid some action that could make a situation worse.

b. “No hesitation.”

Sometimes, my team faces “creative stuck-points.” For example, recently, we needed to design a Dragon-character for my graphic novel series, Jack AngelSword. I said, “No hesitation!” and encouraged myself and two artists to jump in and draw a bunch of quick sketches. I’ve found that pressing on can help release one from hesitation, fear or being baffled about what might be a solution. I’ve said, “I’ll find out when my pencil is on the sheet of paper.” This means that I’ll find a solution as I’m actually drawing some sketches.

c. “Better than zero.”

I’ve noted that several artists and others get stuck with forms of perfectionism. I suggest making some form of progress. For example, even just 10 sit-ups a day is “better than zero.” Two quick sketches for a logo is better than nothing on the paper. Often one just needs to get started and then the ideas flow.

d. “Face the numbers and adapt from there.”

Several years ago, I was directing a feature film which called for a dream-related flying scene. The first thing was to consider a conventional way to get the effect done. I faced the numbers: $5,000 for a studio rental and some “wire-work.”

Instead, I adapted. I used a darkened garage, stood on a black tarp, and moved the camera (combined with a fast zoom-in). The cost? – when the image was composited during editing (back then at an editing studio) $100.00.

The idea here is to avoid letting fear shut down one’s thinking. Start with the conventional and then adapt and move out from there.

Steven Spielberg is noted for staying under budget when making each of his films. He made JURASSIC PARK for $63 million. To stay under budget, he cut a scene with the heroes in a river raft besieged by pterodactyls. (That scene finally saw production in JURASSIC PARK III.) Even Spielberg adapts.

  1. Forward it

I’m using forward here in the manner of “move forward.” Take some little step forward. Perhaps, it’s sending out an email to some friends and acquaintances asking for ideas to solve a problem. Maybe you’ll call your team together for a brainstorming session.

Even a simple Google search can help you take a step forward.

When you’re in action, you’re focused, and fear is a quiet voice in the background.

In summary, if you’re experiencing fear that’s like a vicious dog pinning you in one place … then use the Face It –> Flip It –> Forward It Process.

Warmly,
Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Reduce Clutter, Enlarge Your Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
and Year of Awesome! (See more when you CLICK HERE )

Move Ahead Successfully Even When You’re Criticized

Make 2017 Your Best Year! ... Get Tom Marcoux 's book 'Soar! Nothing Can Stop You This Year"
Make 2017 Your Best Year! … Get Tom Marcoux ‘s book ‘Soar! Nothing Can Stop You This Year”

Do you want real success and fulfillment? Then, learn to handle criticism in an empowered manner. The crucial detail when facing criticism is to prepare your own personal and empowering questions.

  1. Does this person really want good things for me?
  2. What are my personal goals and does this comment strengthen me?
  3. Does this comment strengthen my work?
  4. Does this comment help me learn and grow?
  1. Does this person really want good things for me?

I have an extended family member (a toxic person) who has nothing but criticism for me. He’s older and he’s never been an entrepreneur, author, educator or feature film director. Those are my areas of expertise. However, this person just wants to make me “wrong.” Wait a minute! This is a family member, but his goal is “to be right” and “to put the other person down.” It’s sad really.

When you consider whether criticism has merit, consider the source. If someone is in your target market, that criticism may be useful. However, if someone is merely guessing and has never entered the field you’re working in, assess whether to dismiss such criticism.

Talking to my negative extended family member would be where good ideas go to die. So I often avoid this person. I have a circle of friends and colleagues who are supportive and still provide me with the constructive feedback that may be hard to hear, but their intention is good things for me. I can trust them.

 

  1. What are my personal goals and does this comment strengthen me?

What are your real goals? Do you want to be famous? Do you want to do good artistic work? Do you want to make lots of money? Do you deeply long to express your creativity?

All of the above have different elements attached to them.

It’s important for you to be honest with yourself. What do you really want?

The truth is that I want to serve my readers, audiences, graduate students and clients. So I’m willing to hear tough feedback and learn about areas to improve for my projects. For each book I write, I have at least two editors. They can be really tough and they push me to write in better ways. That’s what I really want. I do not want to be coddled.

So even if my editors might occasionally clothe a comment with sarcasm, I still know that their comments actually strengthen me. After writing 41 books [free chapters visible on Amazon.com], I’m a better writer today.

Also, pause and get access to your own intuition. Often, some people are so quick to judge and say, “That won’t work.” How do they know? And imagine this: If your intuition is correct and you follow your heart—and you succeed—what will they say? They’ll merely shrug and mildly reply, “Oh, I guess I was wrong on that one.” Do not leave your fate to someone else. Answer your own heart’s call.

 

  1. Does this comment strengthen my work?

This is where the real work takes place. A tough comment like “I think that totally fails to engage your target market” may be the best reality check that you need. For example, with a video related to my science fiction franchise TimePulse, my team hit a wall. We needed a paragraph to bridge two sections of the video. I had four people tell me that the paragraph missed the mark. Okay. Back to the drawing board. Eventually, we came up with a solution. With a new approach, we found an appropriate quote to bridge the sections. 

 

  1. Does this comment help me learn and grow?

My team members know that I can calmly listen to any comment that points out flaws in a draft of a project. I’ll often ask follow-up questions. Why? I’m focused on learning and growing as an artist in the various fields I participate in: speaking, writing, filmmaking and art direction of graphic novels.

My point is that a truly creative person must develop a “thick skin” and also run criticism through a filter. Some critical comments have nothing to do with your goals. Let them flow past like leaves on a stream of water.

Other comments which are given to support you and which strengthen your work may raise your work to world-class level. It’s an adventure that is actually worth the pain and effort. It’s a road that includes surprising, happy moments.

Principle: Use Empowering Questions to assess if criticism can be useful to you.

Consider some recent criticism lobbed your way. Use these questions:

  1. Does this person really want good things for me?
  2. What are my personal goals and does this comment strengthen me?
  3. Does this comment strengthen my work?
  4. Does this comment help me learn and grow?

Guard your personal energy and leap upwards to higher levels of success and happiness.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Reduce Clutter, Enlarge Your Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
and Year of Awesome! (See more when you CLICK HERE )

 

Confidently Connect with People even when You Feel Like You’re Failing

"Darkest Secrets of Charisma" - improve your confidence - book written by Tom Marcoux
Darkest Secrets of Charisma” – improve your confidence – book written by Tom Marcoux

“How can I genuinely connect with people even when deep inside I feel like I’m failing?” my client, Alisha, asked.

“What brings this up?” I asked.

“I feel like I’m not making enough marketing calls. I feel ashamed about that. I even feel scared,” Alisha said.

I next guided her in the process Shift to an Empowering Question. The idea is that we shift out of dark thoughts into new, positive possibilities.

First, I’ll share that successful people I’ve interviewed and those I’ve studied find that just before the breakthrough there is a “breakdown”—that is big trouble. For example, Denis Waitley wrote The Psychology of Winning when he was flat broke. He finished that audio program, and it went on to be one of the bestselling audio programs of all time.

Years ago, some authors wrote: “Fake it until you make it.”

On the other hand, I have something better for you: Act It Until You Become It.

We’re not talking about trying to prevent every negative thought. Instead, we’re talking about Shifting to an Empowering Question.

Use the Power of “How can I …?”
Here’s an example: “How can I take what I learned on that sales call, and do better with the next one?”

I’ll answer that. Write things down and keep notes. For every sales call, you can use what I share with my clients: In a journal, you draw a line down the center of the page. On the left side, write down: “What worked.” On the right side, write down “Areas to Improve.”

The idea is to capture that information. That’s how you’re going to do better.

Use the Power of “How can we …?”
The focus is on “we.” For example, when I guide clients to identify 3 Levels of Goals: Good, Excellent, and Amazing!, we note that Amazing Results require a team or at least connections with other people.

One of my clients applied this “How can we?” process.

She asked, “How can we … get me more referrals?”

That was a great starting point.

In summary, we’re talking about how a negative thought comes up – and your effective response is to come back with an Empowering Question.

Here’s another Empowering Question: How can I take one small step now in a positive direction?

If you’re worried about not making enough marketing phone calls, you ask, “How can I change my schedule?” One of my mentors emphasizes “8 before 8” – that is, 8 phone calls before 8 in the morning. He also says, “5 after 5.” That is, 5 phone calls after 5 pm in the evening.

Remember, when a negative thought comes up, you ask an Empowering Question.

So if you’re about to give a sales presentation or speech, ask yourself: “How can I help these people?” — “How can I listen well and help them know I care?” — “How may I serve?”

You’ll feel better. You’ll go into action.

Once in action, you’ll feel more confident. In this way, you can do better with your meetings/conversations during the day.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
 
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
 
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
 
Author of Reduce Clutter, Enlarge Your Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
 
and Year of Awesome! (See more when you CLICK HERE )

Don’t Wait for “Motivation” — Get in Action — Make 2017 a Better Year

Powerful InstaMaxPro techniques in Tom Marcoux's book "Year of Awesome!"
Start 2017 in an empowered way! Get Tom Marcoux ‘s book “Year of Awesome!

“I just can’t get motivated,” my new client Alice said.

“Let’s set aside trying to get motivated for a moment,” I replied. “For many of us, it’s just a matter of setting a system. For example, I meditate every day.”

“How?”

“Upon awakening, I set out my candle and my timer,” I replied, “And I meditate BEFORE I turn on any electronic device. This is my system.”

S – set aside resistance
E – energize yourself
T – target 3 Levels of Goals

  1. Set aside resistance

A good system acknowledges that human beings often resist what is good for them.

For example, I eat salad for breakfast. Why? Salad is just not fun for me. Research from Stanford University notes that people’s willpower (like a muscle) wears out as the day goes along. So what helps? Do the tough thing early in the day. I eat salad for breakfast. That is a good system.

Now it’s your turn. How can you turn aside your own resistance? At what time during the day do you have more energy? Will you apply that time and energy to something that you find difficult to do?

  1. Energize yourself

Sometimes a break is exactly what you need to get into action. For example, when I edit some writing, I’ll feel myself “running out of fuel.” So I get up and walk over to another room and get some water.

I return renewed and my brain can offer new, fresh insights. In essence, a break has renewed my energy.

Now it’s your turn. Will you implement breaks in your day? Will you find ways to augment your energy in healthy ways? (Sometimes, a 10-minute walk will help.)

  1. Target 3 Levels of Goals

A good system helps you keep connected with what really moves you—what gets you into action.

Some people are not putting more energy into accomplishing their dreams because their goals are too weak.

To make things work better, I guide my clients to have 3 Levels of Goals: Good, Excellent, and Amazing!

Some authors feel good when they’re selling 30 books a month. They consider selling 3,000 copies to be Amazing! The characteristic of Amazing!-Goals is that they require connecting with others. We can invite others to help us make things happen.

So a good system can include different elements. The author can write blog articles. That can be related to a Good Goal.

Then to have more energy, the author can work toward the expansive Amazing!-Goal. She can call one other author per day toward forming alliances.

One of my mentors guided me to ask for (at least) one referral a day. That’s working toward Goals on the levels of Excellent and Amazing!

Now it’s your turn. How can you include a few tasks which would propel you toward your Amazing!-Goals? Who can you call to start mutually beneficial relationships?

In summary, do NOT wait for motivation. Just set a system and get into motion. Once in motion, you’ll do more and more.

Isaac Newton formulated The First Law of Motion that includes the idea: “a body in motion at a constant velocity will remain in motion …”

The big benefit of your system is that it gets you into motion—the kind of motion that leads to significant and positive results. When you consistently get yourself in motion each day—you’ll make 2017 a terrific year!

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
 
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Reduce Clutter, Enlarge Your Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
 
and Year of Awesome! (See more when you CLICK HERE )