Free Yourself from Fear

ThePowerOfConfidence(forweb
Free Yourself from Fear — use methods in Tom Marcoux ‘s book The Power of Confidence

“What keeps people stuck?” my friend Anita asked.

Fear keeps people stuck in many situations,” I replied.

“Is it really possible to release ourselves from fear?” she asked.

Now, we’re stepping into areas of philosophy and practical ways to raise our levels of success and fulfillment.

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield

From interviewing successful people, I’ve learned that they have certain patterns in place in how they approach problems and situations. They certainly feel fear, but they do not let fear paralyze them.

Some people don’t like change, but you need to embrace change if the alternative is disaster.
  Elon Musk

The path out of fear-based paralysis is change.

How do we do that? I’ve learned that you can just sit there and something will likely push you and the consequences may be truly painful.

However, the empowered state of being is to make choices. I’ve learned that it helps to condition oneself to take an empowered stance when dealing with fear.

To Free Yourself from Fear, Use this Pattern: Face it –> Flip it –> Forward it

  1. Face it.

Name it. Call it out. When we allow fear to hide in the dark, it feels bigger. However, if you name the fear, you can use that step as the start for ascending a staircase.

With Ned, one of my clients, I started a particular conversation with: “What are you afraid of?”

“We don’t have enough sales. I’m afraid we’re going to go out of business,” he said.

“Okay. That’s a good start. What can you do to improve sales?”

“I don’t know,” Ned began. “Maybe work with a coach on improving sales. Read some books. Work with my team. Interview some previous customers and ask why they bought our products,”

“Good ideas, Ned. So which of these ideas does your gut say is the one to begin with—today?”

The point here is: Ned could make improvements once he expressed his fear and then tossed some ideas on the table.

Now it’s your turn. What are you afraid of? Write this down, and then note some possible actions you can implement.

  1. Flip it.

The idea of “flip it” is to turn over or transform the fearful thought to something empowering.

As an Executive Coach, I often help clients open their awareness to new facets of a situation or problem. I often ask a question that opens some expansive thinking possibilities for the client.

When appropriate, I introduce my client to a principle that can help him or her shift to an empowered point of view about a situation. I mention to my clients that I have three hats of “coach, consultant and mentor.”

I’ll now share with you my idea “Mentor On Your Shoulder.” (My further guidance/blog posts are available at MentorOnYourShoulder.com.)

Your “Mentor On Your Shoulder” Keeps Certain Principles Accessible in Your Mind

Here we’re looking at “Mentor on your shoulder” as a metaphor to having someone near you to tell you valuable principles when you need them.

The process is to memorize certain phrases which stand for principles that a mentor would share with you.

Here are examples of such phrases:

a. “If in doubt, leave it out.”

On certain occasions, you can save yourself a lot of trouble, by restraining yourself from certain actions. People often say, “I knew I should not have done that.” When you recall the phrase “If in doubt, leave it out,” you can pause and perhaps, simply avoid some action that could make a situation worse.

b. “No hesitation.”

Sometimes, my team faces “creative stuck-points.” For example, recently, we needed to design a Dragon-character for my graphic novel series, Jack AngelSword. I said, “No hesitation!” and encouraged myself and two artists to jump in and draw a bunch of quick sketches. I’ve found that pressing on can help release one from hesitation, fear or being baffled about what might be a solution. I’ve said, “I’ll find out when my pencil is on the sheet of paper.” This means that I’ll find a solution as I’m actually drawing some sketches.

c. “Better than zero.”

I’ve noted that several artists and others get stuck with forms of perfectionism. I suggest making some form of progress. For example, even just 10 sit-ups a day is “better than zero.” Two quick sketches for a logo is better than nothing on the paper. Often one just needs to get started and then the ideas flow.

d. “Face the numbers and adapt from there.”

Several years ago, I was directing a feature film which called for a dream-related flying scene. The first thing was to consider a conventional way to get the effect done. I faced the numbers: $5,000 for a studio rental and some “wire-work.”

Instead, I adapted. I used a darkened garage, stood on a black tarp, and moved the camera (combined with a fast zoom-in). The cost? – when the image was composited during editing (back then at an editing studio) $100.00.

The idea here is to avoid letting fear shut down one’s thinking. Start with the conventional and then adapt and move out from there.

Steven Spielberg is noted for staying under budget when making each of his films. He made JURASSIC PARK for $63 million. To stay under budget, he cut a scene with the heroes in a river raft besieged by pterodactyls. (That scene finally saw production in JURASSIC PARK III.) Even Spielberg adapts.

  1. Forward it

I’m using forward here in the manner of “move forward.” Take some little step forward. Perhaps, it’s sending out an email to some friends and acquaintances asking for ideas to solve a problem. Maybe you’ll call your team together for a brainstorming session.

Even a simple Google search can help you take a step forward.

When you’re in action, you’re focused, and fear is a quiet voice in the background.

In summary, if you’re experiencing fear that’s like a vicious dog pinning you in one place … then use the Face It –> Flip It –> Forward It Process.

Warmly,
Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Reduce Clutter, Enlarge Your Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
and Year of Awesome! (See more when you CLICK HERE )

Use Powerful Methods for Risks and Making Big Decisions

Tom Marcoux addresses Stanford University PhD's and PhD-candidates with his topic "Soar With Confidence"
Tom Marcoux addresses Stanford University PhD’s and PhD-candidates with his topic “Soar With Confidence”

“It’s hard for me to make the big decisions,” my client Cara said.

“I hear you,” I replied. “That’s understandable. I’ve been listening carefully to your current situation and you have a lot at stake.”

Working with clients, and as CEO, leading my international team members for my own company, I work with people taking appropriate risks.

I recall this quote:

“Failure or the risk of failure could often be a crucial step on the road to success.” – Dominic Randolph

Being skillful about “risk of failure” is valuable.

“The heart and soul of the company is creativity and innovation. … People don’t like to follow pessimists.” – Bob Iger, CEO of The Walt Disney Company

I usually write about having courage and using strategy to take appropriate risks.

There is another side to this equation.

It’s valuable to learn when taking a particular risk is ill-advised.

I use 3 Considerations Related to Saying “No” to a Particular Risk

  • “If It’s not hell yes, then it’s hell no.”
  • I don’t feel a burning energy to do this.
  • If in doubt, leave it out.
  • Bonus Consideration: Really wanting it to be true does not make it true.
  1. “If it’s not hell yes, then it’s hell no.”

Years ago, I saw a comment by Cheryl Richardson in one of her books: “If it’s not hell yes, then it’s hell no.”

This is useful. Why? Because whatever you decide, you’re going to pay for it. For example, years ago, I directed a feature film in which I played a leading character and I did my own stunts.

I held onto the hood of a speeding, classic, cherry-red Chevy truck going 60 miles an hour.

Would I do that today? No. I’m not interested. Been there, done that. I’m older, and I’m not interested in risking great injury. I’d rather devote my time to leading my team in making six graphic novels of my series Jack AngelSword.

Now it’s your turn. Do you really want something? Is it a total, enthusiastic “hell yes!”? If not, then maybe it’s NOT worth it to you.

  1. “I don’t feel a burning energy to do this.”

Recently, I was offered two big opportunities. Both required that I invest money and time in big proportions. I said to my sweetheart, “I don’t feel a burning energy to do this.” That was an important point! It’s good to listen to yourself.

Now it’s your turn. As you talk with people you trust about a particular risk, how do you REALLY feel about it? Do you feel a burning energy to do it?

  1. If in doubt, leave it out

I’ve made big decisions. I’ve led five companies—plus directing my first feature film, giving my first big speech in front of 700 people, writing a book [I’ve written 40 books now. CLICK HERE to look inside the books.], hiring important team members and more.

Did I have any doubts when I went ahead? I did have a small doubt or two. But during those times, my big, positive burning desire was more important than any fear I had.

On the other hand, a Big, Important Doubt, might be your intuition saying: “Hey! Pay attention to this. Something is OFF here.”

If you have that kind of doubt, “leave it out” – that is, protect yourself and don’t go down a dark path.

Now it’s your turn. Do you have a “Big, Important Doubt”? Is your wish for a particular outcome maybe blinding you to a big downside?

3a. “Bonus”: Really wanting it to be true does not make it true.

One particular time, someone invited me to join a business opportunity. When I first heard about the business situation and what MIGHT blossom out of it, my heart filled up with “Oh! I hope this is true — and this works! My life would change so much. This could be my Big Breakthrough!”

It was necessary for me to quiet down my fantasy-thoughts, and take a close look at the whole situation.

I call myself an OptiRealist. That is, I’m optimistic that we can make things better AND I’m realistic to know that strategy is necessary. Another realistic view is that any project can get bumpy or even fall apart. Maybe you could barely hold the project together, but with the wrong people involved, you could waste a lot of your time.

For example, I directed a particular film project years ago. A certain actor refused to re-record certain lines of dialogue. This person was afraid of losing close-up shots. Wait a minute! If the scene does not make sense, this actor would still lose!

I carefully explained the need for the scenes to be re-edited to make the whole film project work. Still, this actor refused to record new lines of dialogue.

My solution: I replaced the voice of that actor through the whole film. I had to fix the scenes. That was my job as producer and film director.

A Special Consideration: Ask yourself, “How much control do I have in the project so I can take action to fix things?” If you have multiple opportunities before you, you may want to focus on those projects that give you a good degree of control so you CAN fix things.

It is realistic to understand that sometimes people will be so self-focused that they may hurt a project.

My point is: Pay close attention. If you’re in a project with trustworthy people, you’ll be okay. If you doubt the professionalism of people involved, it may be time to avoid the deal or situation.

Now it’s your turn. Have you interviewed a lot of people related to the proposed deal or situation? Have you made sure to realize “wanting something to be true does not make it true”?

As an Executive Coach and the Spoken Word Strategist, I often work with clients who need to take appropriate risks. How do you know if the risk is appropriate?

One part of the process is to thoroughly submit the risky deal or situation to these 3 Considerations Related to Saying “No” to a Particular Risk

  • “If It’s not hell yes, then it’s hell no.”
  • I don’t feel a burning energy to do this.
  • If in doubt, leave it out.
  • Bonus Consideration: Really wanting it to be true does not make it true.

You really need to get access to your intuition. Some researchers identify intuition as “unconscious intelligence.” That is, they suggest that you really KNOW something but it has not risen to the neocortex of the brain yet.

Pay close attention.
Guard your time and resources.
Then you can get the most value when you take an appropriate risk.

Warmly,
Tom

* See my new book Year of Awesome! How You Can Use 12 Success Principles including 10 Seconds to Wealth  (CLICK HERE to look inside the book)

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 40 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )