Get Your Real Success — Use Something BETTER than Willpower!

pitchconfidenceworkshopadYes — you can do better in life and business.

You need to be skilled to overcome The Deadly Three: Fear, Hesitation, and Procrastination.

How? Build your “Extreme Confidence Skills.”

The Golden Key for Real Success: Replace Willpower with a System
Researchers at Stanford University identified that willpower is like a muscle; it wears out as the day goes along. That’s why I eat salad for breakfast.

[Special Note: You do NOT even need motivation. For example, I’ve coached clients to automatically send an email after completing a marketing phone call. No hesitation. No getting up to use the restroom. No time to let the writing of the email become a bigger, scarier activity. Just an automatic behavior — which is part of a Good System.]

To perform at your best, you need something more powerful than just being confident about “the text” – that is, the actual words of your speech, pitch or sales presentation.

Here’s the solution: You learn special methods I call “Recovery Methods.” Then, you’re confident that you can handle anything that comes up. With this extra level of confidence, you rise to what I call Extreme Confidence. Then you can Perform at Your Best.

A prime element of Extreme Confidence is training in ways to adapt to anything that arises.

For example, let’s say you’re giving a speech, pitch or sales presentation … What if your mind goes blank? Extreme Confidence skills provide you with Recovery Methods so you handle tough moments with poise.

Here’s the important distinction: Rehearsing the text is not enough. You do better when you rehearse Recovery Methods.

Recovery Methods are techniques we use to regain our balance when something goes wrong. Recovery Methods are a foundational part of Extreme Confidence.

Extreme Confidence is when you KNOW that you know how to adapt to anything that arises.

For the times when you need to be on your toes, you need to be able to adapt and pivot quickly.

Here’s an example. I was giving a speech at IBM. My mind went BLANK. I was stuck. Inside, I felt: “Augh! I’m so embarrassed.”

What could I do? What would you do?

On the inside, I was panicking. On the outside, I took a breath and said, “I’ll need to pause for a moment. My brain needs more RAM.”

Those tech folks at IBM thought that a RAM (Random Access Memory) joke was hilarious!

As I work with a client, I help her find her own language—those words that feel comfortable specifically for her. Then we practice. I call out: “Your mind just went blank. Use a Recovery Method.”

This helps my client rise to the level of Extreme Confidence. She gets to the point that she KNOWS that she can recover—and truly connect with her audience.

Conventional Approach: Rehearse the text.
vs.
Extreme Confidence Approach: Rehearse Recovery Methods, too.

Here’s the Point: You rehearse Recovery Methods so you feel an extra layer of confidence throughout your presentation.

Special Note:
Earlier I mentioned: The Golden Key for Real Success: Replace Willpower with a System.

When I work with a client, we plug the person’s unique situation into a number of systems.

Here is an example.

One of my clients, Susan, wanted to give a speech. I introduced her to Elements that Create a Great Connection with the Audience (a system). As part of this process, I worked with Susan so she had options:

  • 3 options for a bit of self-deprecating humor
  • 3 options for a detail that shows your vulnerability
  • 3 options for a detail that reveals your “youthful” enthusiasm that got you connected with [her topic]. (I said, “We’ll place this into a story. Your enthusiasm will wash over the audience. And, enthusiasm is attractive.”)

After we had the options, we could test which elements were a good fit for Susan, and we could see how test audiences responded.

My point is: With a system, you do NOT have to force yourself to create a great performance. Working with a coach makes the whole process doable and often so powerful that you’re surprised.

Vital News: Attend Tom Marcoux’s workshop “Pitch with Extreme Confidence: The Pitch Hacking Method” on April 20, 2017.  You will learn to:

· Experience Real Confidence
· Seize the Investors’ Attention
· Answer Tough Questions with Poise
· Let Go of Fear and Nervousness
· Use Confident Body Language
· Handle Tough Moments (even if your mind goes blank)

Click here to register – early bird fee of $10.00 https://www.meetup.com/Igniter/events/237843482/

Remove Blocks So You Enjoy Real Success!

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Develop flexibility. Use the methods found in Tom Marcoux ‘s “Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You

“I’ve not heard that before, would you say that again?” an audience member asked me.

“If you’re looking for a good romantic partner find someone who is kind and flexible,” I emphasized.

When you really want to succeed, remove the blocks so you are kind and flexible.

Our thinking needs flexibility. However, our habitual thoughts can constrict our thinking.

I have a metaphor about flexibility: Every day I do exercises to keep my neck and back flexible.

I’m looking to be flexible in my thinking, too – so I study a number of books. I have the thoughts, research and feelings of a number of people in mind.

The Power of a Flexible Perspective

I’ve learned that …

Life can place you into a new chapter at any time.
Still, you can declare that you are now beginning a new chapter of life.

Why is this helpful? You are declaring your flexibility. Over the years, I’ve learned to adapt when life has tossed in a surprising, tough situation.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“In truth, I am a verb.” – Steve Chandler

When you think of yourself as a verb, you are free! Other people may look at their past behavior and give themselves a noun or label like “shy person.”

Instead, you can change your behavior. As a child, I acted like a shy kid. As an adult, I take courageous action. Then I’m courageous.

Develop Your Flexibility

Nina, one of my clients, said, “I don’t take vacations.”

Then an opportunity arose, and Nina considered taking a vacation. Upon her taking that vacation, I commented: “You are now a person who takes vacations. Prosperous, calm, and happy people take vacations.”

Why is taking a vacation a good idea?

It’s about refreshing yourself and keeping yourself flexible. You also get access to your intuition, and then you can come up with Leap-Up Ideas that could vastly improve your business.

[By the way, a vacation can be two days. Or you could declare a mini-vacation of “I’m taking the afternoon off.”]

Don’t block your blessings. Don’t let doubt stop you from getting where you want to be. – Jennifer Hudson

Learning to let go should be learned before learning to get. Life should be touched, not strangled. – Ray Bradbury

Remember to cultivate two powerful practices: be kind to yourself and others – and be flexible.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux, CEO, Executive Coach – Spoken Word Strategist – Pitch Coach

This material is on my mind because I have now opened a special opportunity. When you CLICK HERE, you can go to my questionnaire-webpage and apply for a free consultation with me (limited number available) entitled: “Your Hidden Success Breakthrough – Strategy Session.”

Here are Your BENEFITS of such a free consultation.

  • Create a sense of clarity about the Success you really want to have
  • Discover the essential building blocks for having the Success and Fulfilling Life of your dreams
  • Determine the #1 thing stopping you from having the Success Breakthrough you want
  • Identify the most powerful actions that will move you toward the level of income and abundance you desire
  • Complete the consultation with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to create the Breakthrough you truly want

I invite you to apply.

Let’s see if we might get the chance to work together … as a free opportunity to you.

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach * Spoken Word Strategist * Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 42 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
 
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
 
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:

51gjiy0bzvlSoar with Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed

Get the Advantages to take your business to a higher level. Learn Leadership Advantages, Pitch Advantages, and Success Advantages. To Soar with Confidence, you learn and use principles for top level communication to board members, team members and the media.
“Marcoux demonstrates how to “Prepare a Compelling Story that Moves Emotions.” He mentions techniques that he teaches clients for developing compelling Ted Talks.” – Dantalion Jones

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Learn the vital skills of pitching your ideas and enrolling others into your vision. Get that “Big Yes” to funding your project. “This insightful book shows you how to zing a curveball right past the parts of the Hollywood exec’s brain that want to say no before you even make your pitch. You will learn what works when pitching, and more importantly, why, so you can get to YES much more often. Buy this book now. Consider it Spring Training before the big game.” – Danek Kaus

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This invaluable guide, used by people in 15 countries and now in its second edition, will help you become immune to dark persuasion. Learn to use countermeasures to defend yourself against unethical persuasion and seduction tactics. Break any trance in which a salesperson is trying to get you to buy something not to your benefit. “Learn how to defend yourself against manipulation. Best book you’ll ever read to protect yourself, feel strong and move forward in your life. Highly recommended!” – Dr. JoAnn Dahlkoetter

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Secrets of Awesome Dinner Guests: What Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King, Jr., Helen Keller, and John Lasseter Can Teach You About Success … (The Power of Your Personal Brand)

Imagine dining with Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King, Jr., Helen Keller, and John Lasseter. These seven people share one thing: They’re great communicators. So this book will help you become a great communicator. “Marcoux especially stresses the importance of personal branding, of coming across as trustworthy and dependable.” – Einar Masson

"Darkest Secrets of Charisma" - improve your confidence - book written by Tom MarcouxDarkest Secrets of Charisma: Overcome the Lies about Personal Magnetism, Get People to Feel Your Charisma and Influence Others with Your Words

Learn how you can tap into your natural gifts and tendencies to radiate Three Types of Charisma. Discover how to influence people with your words. “Marcoux explodes this myth: Charismatic people always feel comfortable before and during an important event, such as public speaking, networking or some other social event. This book shows how you can feel discomfort but still come across as confident and charismatic.The secrets include ways to radiate all three forms of charisma Marcoux describes as Warm Trust Charisma, Natural Charm Charisma and Magnetic Charisma.” – Danek Kaus

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What the Rich Don’t Say about Getting Rich: Work Smarter, Live Better

You want wealth, abundance and enjoyment–yes? Wouldn’t it be great to learn the real strategies that the Rich use to create Sustainable Wealth? This book takes you behind-the-scenes to what really works. You’ll see a lot of myth-busting, and you’ll learn the strategies that get real results. “Tom Marcoux gives you an inside look on the psychology of what it takes to be successfully wealthy in life. It’s more than just taking advantage of opportunity, but also about taking care of yourself. This book discusses a number of strategies that we often overlook when it comes to leading a successful life that leads to wealth generation.” – Barry Adamson II

Use the Most Important Thing for YOUR Great New Year!

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Make 2017 your Great New Year: Use Tom Marcoux ‘s book “Year of Awesome!

“Tell me one thing that will make my year better,” said Jenny, a person next to me on a flight to San Francisco.

I smiled. That’s a usual approach of harried business people. “I can answer that in six words: ‘Think new thoughts; do new things.’”

How? It comes down to one method that I use often in my work as an Executive Coach, Pitch Coach and the Spoken Word Strategist. My clients rely on me to ask the timely, compelling questions to help them expand their thinking and get into effective action.

We’ll explore 5 Powerful Questions for Your Great New Year:

[Be sure to write your answers in a journal or via your smartphone. Write it and live it—then enjoy it. That is, really enjoy your life.]

  1. What are you afraid of?

Let’s face the truth together. Fear is part of the successful path. It’s here at this moment.

Here’s my view: When you’re in action, you’re focused, and fear is a quiet voice in the background.

Write down what you fear, and it feels smaller. Then quickly write your responses to this question: What Are 10 Ways I Can Move Forward? Pause. What does your gut or intuition pull you to do today? Take a step forward based on your positive intentions.

  1. What wish would you ask for?

Several people I’ve talked with have shut down their own imagination. They will not even consider something great, big and new for their lives. Sure, they do not know how they can do something big and different. That’s not the first task. The first task is to consult your heart and find out what you really want. For example, one of my big dreams is that Disney will buy my company some years from now and that they continue my entertainment franchise Jack AngelSword beyond my lifespan. Do I know all the steps between now and when Disney continues my work? No. But I do know what I’d like to see happen.

How about you? What would you wish for?

  1. Where can you get help?

Someone can help you leap to higher levels of success and happiness. A coach. A co-worker. A new contact who introduces you to a key person to raise your game.

  1. What can you do differently? How will you measure it?

You want something better in life—do something differently. Your previous actions have gained you what you have in this moment. Try something new. Take an appropriate risk.

For years, I wrote books that included ways people could improve their lives–including meditation. I had to admit that I was not meditating regularly. Then I did something different: I did a session for 3 minutes in the morning before turning on any electronic device. Since that time, I’ve been doing my morning session for months. I feel better! That is a benefit from doing something different.

Measure your progress. Ned, one of my clients, logs how many words he writes each day for his first book.

  1. How can you improve relationships?

Are you doing things that support your various relationships—business and personal? The opportunities you want relate to people you know and ones you have not met yet. Often, I ask, “How can I be supportive of what you’re doing?”

If you want to build a positive, supportive network of contacts, you need to be proactive in how you support and encourage other people. Start today.

 

In summary, we’re talking about using Powerful Questions so you can create a map to make this New Year better!

Take a step forward today.

Warmly,
Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
Author of What the Rich Don’t Say About Getting Rich: Work Smarter, Live Better (See more when you CLICK HERE )

Free Yourself from Fear

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Free Yourself from Fear — use methods in Tom Marcoux ‘s book The Power of Confidence

“What keeps people stuck?” my friend Anita asked.

Fear keeps people stuck in many situations,” I replied.

“Is it really possible to release ourselves from fear?” she asked.

Now, we’re stepping into areas of philosophy and practical ways to raise our levels of success and fulfillment.

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield

From interviewing successful people, I’ve learned that they have certain patterns in place in how they approach problems and situations. They certainly feel fear, but they do not let fear paralyze them.

Some people don’t like change, but you need to embrace change if the alternative is disaster.
  Elon Musk

The path out of fear-based paralysis is change.

How do we do that? I’ve learned that you can just sit there and something will likely push you and the consequences may be truly painful.

However, the empowered state of being is to make choices. I’ve learned that it helps to condition oneself to take an empowered stance when dealing with fear.

To Free Yourself from Fear, Use this Pattern: Face it –> Flip it –> Forward it

  1. Face it.

Name it. Call it out. When we allow fear to hide in the dark, it feels bigger. However, if you name the fear, you can use that step as the start for ascending a staircase.

With Ned, one of my clients, I started a particular conversation with: “What are you afraid of?”

“We don’t have enough sales. I’m afraid we’re going to go out of business,” he said.

“Okay. That’s a good start. What can you do to improve sales?”

“I don’t know,” Ned began. “Maybe work with a coach on improving sales. Read some books. Work with my team. Interview some previous customers and ask why they bought our products,”

“Good ideas, Ned. So which of these ideas does your gut say is the one to begin with—today?”

The point here is: Ned could make improvements once he expressed his fear and then tossed some ideas on the table.

Now it’s your turn. What are you afraid of? Write this down, and then note some possible actions you can implement.

  1. Flip it.

The idea of “flip it” is to turn over or transform the fearful thought to something empowering.

As an Executive Coach, I often help clients open their awareness to new facets of a situation or problem. I often ask a question that opens some expansive thinking possibilities for the client.

When appropriate, I introduce my client to a principle that can help him or her shift to an empowered point of view about a situation. I mention to my clients that I have three hats of “coach, consultant and mentor.”

I’ll now share with you my idea “Mentor On Your Shoulder.” (My further guidance/blog posts are available at MentorOnYourShoulder.com.)

Your “Mentor On Your Shoulder” Keeps Certain Principles Accessible in Your Mind

Here we’re looking at “Mentor on your shoulder” as a metaphor to having someone near you to tell you valuable principles when you need them.

The process is to memorize certain phrases which stand for principles that a mentor would share with you.

Here are examples of such phrases:

a. “If in doubt, leave it out.”

On certain occasions, you can save yourself a lot of trouble, by restraining yourself from certain actions. People often say, “I knew I should not have done that.” When you recall the phrase “If in doubt, leave it out,” you can pause and perhaps, simply avoid some action that could make a situation worse.

b. “No hesitation.”

Sometimes, my team faces “creative stuck-points.” For example, recently, we needed to design a Dragon-character for my graphic novel series, Jack AngelSword. I said, “No hesitation!” and encouraged myself and two artists to jump in and draw a bunch of quick sketches. I’ve found that pressing on can help release one from hesitation, fear or being baffled about what might be a solution. I’ve said, “I’ll find out when my pencil is on the sheet of paper.” This means that I’ll find a solution as I’m actually drawing some sketches.

c. “Better than zero.”

I’ve noted that several artists and others get stuck with forms of perfectionism. I suggest making some form of progress. For example, even just 10 sit-ups a day is “better than zero.” Two quick sketches for a logo is better than nothing on the paper. Often one just needs to get started and then the ideas flow.

d. “Face the numbers and adapt from there.”

Several years ago, I was directing a feature film which called for a dream-related flying scene. The first thing was to consider a conventional way to get the effect done. I faced the numbers: $5,000 for a studio rental and some “wire-work.”

Instead, I adapted. I used a darkened garage, stood on a black tarp, and moved the camera (combined with a fast zoom-in). The cost? – when the image was composited during editing (back then at an editing studio) $100.00.

The idea here is to avoid letting fear shut down one’s thinking. Start with the conventional and then adapt and move out from there.

Steven Spielberg is noted for staying under budget when making each of his films. He made JURASSIC PARK for $63 million. To stay under budget, he cut a scene with the heroes in a river raft besieged by pterodactyls. (That scene finally saw production in JURASSIC PARK III.) Even Spielberg adapts.

  1. Forward it

I’m using forward here in the manner of “move forward.” Take some little step forward. Perhaps, it’s sending out an email to some friends and acquaintances asking for ideas to solve a problem. Maybe you’ll call your team together for a brainstorming session.

Even a simple Google search can help you take a step forward.

When you’re in action, you’re focused, and fear is a quiet voice in the background.

In summary, if you’re experiencing fear that’s like a vicious dog pinning you in one place … then use the Face It –> Flip It –> Forward It Process.

Warmly,
Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Reduce Clutter, Enlarge Your Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
and Year of Awesome! (See more when you CLICK HERE )

Move Ahead Successfully Even When You’re Criticized

Make 2017 Your Best Year! ... Get Tom Marcoux 's book 'Soar! Nothing Can Stop You This Year"
Make 2017 Your Best Year! … Get Tom Marcoux ‘s book ‘Soar! Nothing Can Stop You This Year”

Do you want real success and fulfillment? Then, learn to handle criticism in an empowered manner. The crucial detail when facing criticism is to prepare your own personal and empowering questions.

  1. Does this person really want good things for me?
  2. What are my personal goals and does this comment strengthen me?
  3. Does this comment strengthen my work?
  4. Does this comment help me learn and grow?
  1. Does this person really want good things for me?

I have an extended family member (a toxic person) who has nothing but criticism for me. He’s older and he’s never been an entrepreneur, author, educator or feature film director. Those are my areas of expertise. However, this person just wants to make me “wrong.” Wait a minute! This is a family member, but his goal is “to be right” and “to put the other person down.” It’s sad really.

When you consider whether criticism has merit, consider the source. If someone is in your target market, that criticism may be useful. However, if someone is merely guessing and has never entered the field you’re working in, assess whether to dismiss such criticism.

Talking to my negative extended family member would be where good ideas go to die. So I often avoid this person. I have a circle of friends and colleagues who are supportive and still provide me with the constructive feedback that may be hard to hear, but their intention is good things for me. I can trust them.

 

  1. What are my personal goals and does this comment strengthen me?

What are your real goals? Do you want to be famous? Do you want to do good artistic work? Do you want to make lots of money? Do you deeply long to express your creativity?

All of the above have different elements attached to them.

It’s important for you to be honest with yourself. What do you really want?

The truth is that I want to serve my readers, audiences, graduate students and clients. So I’m willing to hear tough feedback and learn about areas to improve for my projects. For each book I write, I have at least two editors. They can be really tough and they push me to write in better ways. That’s what I really want. I do not want to be coddled.

So even if my editors might occasionally clothe a comment with sarcasm, I still know that their comments actually strengthen me. After writing 41 books [free chapters visible on Amazon.com], I’m a better writer today.

Also, pause and get access to your own intuition. Often, some people are so quick to judge and say, “That won’t work.” How do they know? And imagine this: If your intuition is correct and you follow your heart—and you succeed—what will they say? They’ll merely shrug and mildly reply, “Oh, I guess I was wrong on that one.” Do not leave your fate to someone else. Answer your own heart’s call.

 

  1. Does this comment strengthen my work?

This is where the real work takes place. A tough comment like “I think that totally fails to engage your target market” may be the best reality check that you need. For example, with a video related to my science fiction franchise TimePulse, my team hit a wall. We needed a paragraph to bridge two sections of the video. I had four people tell me that the paragraph missed the mark. Okay. Back to the drawing board. Eventually, we came up with a solution. With a new approach, we found an appropriate quote to bridge the sections. 

 

  1. Does this comment help me learn and grow?

My team members know that I can calmly listen to any comment that points out flaws in a draft of a project. I’ll often ask follow-up questions. Why? I’m focused on learning and growing as an artist in the various fields I participate in: speaking, writing, filmmaking and art direction of graphic novels.

My point is that a truly creative person must develop a “thick skin” and also run criticism through a filter. Some critical comments have nothing to do with your goals. Let them flow past like leaves on a stream of water.

Other comments which are given to support you and which strengthen your work may raise your work to world-class level. It’s an adventure that is actually worth the pain and effort. It’s a road that includes surprising, happy moments.

Principle: Use Empowering Questions to assess if criticism can be useful to you.

Consider some recent criticism lobbed your way. Use these questions:

  1. Does this person really want good things for me?
  2. What are my personal goals and does this comment strengthen me?
  3. Does this comment strengthen my work?
  4. Does this comment help me learn and grow?

Guard your personal energy and leap upwards to higher levels of success and happiness.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Reduce Clutter, Enlarge Your Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
and Year of Awesome! (See more when you CLICK HERE )

 

Confidently Connect with People even when You Feel Like You’re Failing

"Darkest Secrets of Charisma" - improve your confidence - book written by Tom Marcoux
Darkest Secrets of Charisma” – improve your confidence – book written by Tom Marcoux

“How can I genuinely connect with people even when deep inside I feel like I’m failing?” my client, Alisha, asked.

“What brings this up?” I asked.

“I feel like I’m not making enough marketing calls. I feel ashamed about that. I even feel scared,” Alisha said.

I next guided her in the process Shift to an Empowering Question. The idea is that we shift out of dark thoughts into new, positive possibilities.

First, I’ll share that successful people I’ve interviewed and those I’ve studied find that just before the breakthrough there is a “breakdown”—that is big trouble. For example, Denis Waitley wrote The Psychology of Winning when he was flat broke. He finished that audio program, and it went on to be one of the bestselling audio programs of all time.

Years ago, some authors wrote: “Fake it until you make it.”

On the other hand, I have something better for you: Act It Until You Become It.

We’re not talking about trying to prevent every negative thought. Instead, we’re talking about Shifting to an Empowering Question.

Use the Power of “How can I …?”
Here’s an example: “How can I take what I learned on that sales call, and do better with the next one?”

I’ll answer that. Write things down and keep notes. For every sales call, you can use what I share with my clients: In a journal, you draw a line down the center of the page. On the left side, write down: “What worked.” On the right side, write down “Areas to Improve.”

The idea is to capture that information. That’s how you’re going to do better.

Use the Power of “How can we …?”
The focus is on “we.” For example, when I guide clients to identify 3 Levels of Goals: Good, Excellent, and Amazing!, we note that Amazing Results require a team or at least connections with other people.

One of my clients applied this “How can we?” process.

She asked, “How can we … get me more referrals?”

That was a great starting point.

In summary, we’re talking about how a negative thought comes up – and your effective response is to come back with an Empowering Question.

Here’s another Empowering Question: How can I take one small step now in a positive direction?

If you’re worried about not making enough marketing phone calls, you ask, “How can I change my schedule?” One of my mentors emphasizes “8 before 8” – that is, 8 phone calls before 8 in the morning. He also says, “5 after 5.” That is, 5 phone calls after 5 pm in the evening.

Remember, when a negative thought comes up, you ask an Empowering Question.

So if you’re about to give a sales presentation or speech, ask yourself: “How can I help these people?” — “How can I listen well and help them know I care?” — “How may I serve?”

You’ll feel better. You’ll go into action.

Once in action, you’ll feel more confident. In this way, you can do better with your meetings/conversations during the day.

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist

Pitch Coach

CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 41 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
 
Author of Soar With Confidence: An Executive Coach Reveals Secrets, Lies and Countermeasures So You Excel Like Top CEOs and Leaders – Pitch, Lead, Succeed (See more when you CLICK HERE )
 
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
 
Author of Reduce Clutter, Enlarge Your Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )
 
and Year of Awesome! (See more when you CLICK HERE )

Stop Giving Your Power Away!

Powerful InstaMaxPro techniques in Tom Marcoux's book "Year of Awesome!"
Powerful InstaMaxPro techniques in Tom Marcoux’s book “Year of Awesome!”

“That’s it. I can’t do it. I give up,” my friend, Sarah, said.

After an extended conversation, I shared with her, “You’re telling yourself a story—a story that’s hurting you. It’s a ‘death story.’ Here’s what will help you: a ‘life story.’”

In essence, Sarah was letting the life drain out of her eyes. Why? She was caught up in fear. That was taking away her personal power.

What do people give their power away to? I’ve come up with an acrostic:

D – disappointment (fear)
E – expectations
A – avoidance of pain
D – dread of loss of approval

If the above contributes to our giving our power away, what’s on the other side of this equation? What is our power? Choice. You might not choose your first thought that arises. But the question is: What will you choose for your Second Thought?

Choosing your Empowered Second Thought is how you hold onto your power.

For my client, Sandy, the first thought is: “I don’t have enough clients.”

Here’s an Empowering Second Thought: “I’m reaching out to qualified prospects every day.”

This leads to Empowering Questions including:

  • How can I qualify prospects?
  • Where can I find qualified prospects?

Now we’ll face and overcome that which drains life from us:

  1. Disappointment (fear)

Why do we fear disappointment so much? Because it hurts. It rocks our sense of who we are and what we think our life is. What can we do with such fear? Quiet it down enough to keep moving forward.

As I write about InstaMaxPro.com (“Instantly get better; Maximize your life.”) – I’m interested in how we can make a quick shift in our thinking and in our actions. First, “call out” any self-sabotage behavior connected to fear of disappointment. Tell yourself: “I’m strong enough to handle disappointment.”

Some people function under a subconscious-mind banner of “If I do nothing, then I won’t be disappointed in my lack of talent and skill.” We learn by doing. Disappointment will arrive even if we do nothing. I recall Tony Robbins’ comment: “Life isn’t boring; you are boring.”

Do NOT let this form of disappointment creep up on you. Take effective action.

Now it’s your turn. How will you acknowledge the possibility for disappointment and still move forward?

  1. Expectations

Do you expect people to always treat you fairly? Do you always get appropriate treatment? There’s a better plan: Be ready to calmly and effectively work with people to get better outcomes. I saw this recently in a restaurant. One woman received a terminally tough piece of steak. She calmly and pleasantly asked for salmon to replace that “piece of leather.” The restaurant manager was calm and pleasant in return and offered a free dessert and a discount on her meal.

We lose energy to expecting people to be better than they are. Author Eckhart Tolle pointed out that true freedom includes the element of “non-attachment.” Non-attachment is about holding to preferences and not making everything a demand. If a family member does not jump to do a task, see if you can step forward with calm and gratitude for what does work in your life.

There’s something better than “expectations”—Effort-Goals and Result-Goals. You separate your goals into Effort-Goals (like making five marketing calls) and Result-Goals (gaining two new clients this week). You can be proud of yourself for your own efforts.

Now it’s your turn. How will you release yourself from “the tyranny of expectations”? How will you set up Effort-Goals so you are proud of your own actions?

  1. Avoidance of pain

It’s natural to seek to avoid pain. The truth is: Pain is coming so choose what’s most important to you. Pain of disappointment is coming. Pain of loss is coming. Still, you can avoid a lot of pain of regret that you failed to take action!

A number of people lose energy to focusing on avoiding pain. Instead, focus on getting stronger.

Now it’s your turn. What can you do to get stronger? How will you ensure that you have enough sleep and exercise–and good nutrition? What will you drop from your life that no longer empowers you?

  1. Dread of loss of approval

Here’s one of my favorite quotes:

“30% of the people will love you. 30% will hate you. 30% couldn’t care less.” – Gabrielle Reece

This means, no matter what you do, 60% of people you encounter are NOT with you. So do NOT let fear of loss of approval run your life. You could do everything right, and still there are people who will misunderstand you and your good intentions.

Instead, you choose what means most to you and you take action to support your own values. In that direction, you’ll experience joy and personal fulfillment.

Now it’s your turn. How will you go forward from this moment forward focused on what’s best for you, regardless of the negative remarks from family or friends?

*  *  *  *  *  *

In summary, many of us lose energy to concerns over the “D.E.A.D.” elements of:

D – disappointment (fear)
E – expectations
A – avoidance of pain
D – dread of loss of approval

I’ve learned to assess the situation by asking: “Does this strengthen me?”

Certain elderly relatives are so negative and even abusive so I reduce my exposure to them.

Do you need to make tough decisions so you STOP giving your power away?

Instead, identify what strengthens you. Take action to have more of that in your life.

In this way you apply the InstaMaxPro Difference. (“Instantly get better; Maximize your life.”)

Warmly,

Tom

Tom Marcoux
CEO (leading teams in United Kingdom, India and USA)

Speaker-author of 40 books (with free chapters on Amazon.com )
Executive Coach
Spoken Word Strategist
Author of Time Management Secrets the Rich Won’t Tell You (See more when you CLICK HERE )
1.8 min. video (on YouTube): Tom Marcoux pulls back the curtain about how his directing a feature film that went to Cannes Film market helps with “Building Your Brand”:
Author of Connect: High Trust Communication for Your Success in Business and Life (See more when you CLICK HERE )